Retiring from Progress

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I have decided to quit. 

I am tired of progress.

This gift is another very special thing that must be learned.

And I am tired of learning.

The school room was the place for that along with a younger more receptive mind.  And if you learned something well and once, it was good for a lifetime.  Well mostly.

When I was 17 I had a job as a gopher (go-fer this and go-fer that) and they told me if I learned to clean and operate an Ozalid machine, I would have some invaluable knowledge for life.  Noone I know today has ever heard of an Ozalid machine, have you?

Nowadays, however, if you learn a thing and think you have it stored and always ready to draw upon “you have another think coming.”  Nope.  If you learn one part of a computer it may be useless in a matter of hours.

Here I am with a shiny new computer I am calling Ogar (short for Ogre) that was given to me for Christmas with great love by my whole family.  I am truly grateful since the old object of their affection, which I had partially learned after 5 years of struggling was showing signs of ultimate collapse.

Groan.  How can I disparage such a thoughtful wonderful gift? 

Well, the process of transferring all the old stuff to the new Ogar may sound easy but HA!  Not so.  The process is more like a pulling a tooth.  You mindlessly explore with the tongue for a ghostly apparition of what might still be there, but in the end all the exploration yields only a gaping empty space.

My sweet family saw this sleek new marvel would not only replace the 5 year old relic, but it would  also keep me busy whilst waiting for a Covid-19 vaccine.  In addition to proving how warm hearted my family is, there is also an element of logic there.

Ogar is definitely a time guzzler.

And better Ogar than Covid right?

Ogar is certainly keeping me busy too, creating a roadmap of wrinkles upon my brow.   Thankfully I call upon my son to guide me through all the myriad options chasing an insane cursor through a maze of intricate maneuvers over an increasingly insane canvas. And only my son really knows where the mercurial sensor is going or why.

“You see that thing that looks like a cog?” he asks in his effort to guide me through all the symbols.

A cog? 

How do I know what a cog looks like? 

Where on this page of icons, symbols and totems is there a cog?

 “Settings?”  “Oh, you mean SETTINGS!”

I am definitely retiring from Progress.

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Smug, Brave, Naked and Mismatched Thoughts

I am Woman!

I feel superbly smug this day.

Things were freezing on my computer you know, resulting in panic. I turned the computer off, walked away and came back, opened the lid.  But Argggh!  A dark screen!

A convincing inner voice said, “You really did it now.  You wrecked the computer.   Don’t touch anything else or you are doomed.”  But wait!  I forgot to push the little  button that opens the screen.  And Voila!  It all works again and everything that was frozen is thawed!

I feel superbly smug this day.  Mystery solved.

Be Brave!

My son was counselling me on how to operate Windows 10.  “Be brave, “he said, “Be willing to try different things.  Don’t be afraid to push buttons.  You can always undo what you have done.” Without his calm and expert advice, this blog would not exist.

The last time I was brave I deleted the cache on my cell phone and managed to put it in a deep freeze of protest.    There were no calls in or out and no emails either – just a dead phone.  Thankfully, things are now restored to normal.

But I have reverted to a timid, cowering techie convinced that all connections will be severed if I push the wrong buttons.

Mismatched Eyebrows

O.K.  I admit I still want to look beautiful, even at a venerable old age.  I thought that was accomplished this morning, so while Bill was out bush hogging (that means mowing big overgrown fields with a big overgrown mower) (and I knew it was safe to indulge in self fantasy), I took a few selfies.

The glasses helped to eliminate soften wrinkles but if you look closely enough, one eyebrow is light and one is dark!  Arrrrgh!

Looking beautiful at a venerable old age is a challenge if you can’t see straight enough to make your eyebrows match up.

Naked Desperation

I just read a book about organizing one’s things.  Starting with clothing, the idea is to hold and touch each piece you own to determine if you love it or not.  If you FEEL something is wrong and you FEEL you don’t love a piece of clothing, either discard it or put it in the donation pile.

I did it!  You can’t imagine the liberated feeling there is to this exercise!

But now the problem is, I don’t have anything to wear!

I have always said, “My husband wouldn’t notice if I went out naked.”  Now is his chance to prove me wrong.

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Random Randoms Week Ending 5-13-16

Downtown Lexington, Virginia has been abuzz with activities, young folks, traffic, and busy restaurants and shops.

It all has to do with end of school stuff (three universities in the area), plant sales, art shows, farmer’s markets, and the advent of Spring and Summer!

My friend Norma and I had lunch downtown at The Bistro.

The quiche was grand, the atmosphere was upbeat, and best of all, we had the chance to catch up on our lives.  It is always so surprising how much there is to talk about after about three or four weeks.

Corky is here!  That’s our son, who arrived Wednesday from California.  We met him at the door (like in the commercial) with all our technological questions (and gadgets) stored up for repair or clarification and pleas to help us with everlasting computer confusion.

 “Hi, good to see you.  Come on in!  None of this works.”

Cork has been offering Windows 10 lessons ever since he arrived.

I am now safely floating around in the Cloud too, but I keep thinking of the song, “The Little White Cloud that Cried.”  Isn’t there danger in trusting a cloud with all your family pictures?

 

Corky may be slightly overwhelmed by all the required tutorials.  Tomorrow will be devoted to Dashlane – a site that will store your passwords for you.  I think that is like a vault (in the cloud?).

“Everything on Microsoft is RIGHT CLICK Mom.

Now what do you do next?”

“Right click,” I reply.

“Great!  You are getting the hang of it.”

We had dinner at The Pink Cadillac again, which now boasts an expanded menu!  Interested in fried shrimp?  It’s there.  Or pulled pork barbecue?

Like everyplace else around here, the old place was crowded with happy people.  Isn’t this a wonderful time of year?

Finally, who can discount the weather?  It rains almost every day. And folks are getting fed up with humidity and downpours.  I still love the sound of raindrops falling though, and tend to run around cracking windows open to increase the volume.

The good news is Big Foot is now reliably Small and the plantar fasciitis less sensitive.  It’s still there but seemingly subsiding.

It’s Bad Luck Day – Friday the 13^th – but around here, there is a whole lot to be thankful for.

 

 

 

 

 

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All Wired Up

There are  a whole lot of wires around my house.

In fact, every room boasts some sort of wire and some have spaghetti wiring systems.

I thought in this age of technical acumen when everyone is talking “wireless” (like wireless mice and wireless phones and wireless reception), that wire-less would surely mean an absence of wires.

Not so.

Take my office for instance.

It is a very small office  since it is only  a desk and a chair in a corner next to my bed.

The desk also doubles as a bedside night stand.

THERE IS A LAMP OF COURSE, AND IT HAS A WIRE!

The desk holds a computer which also has a wire – actually two wires for connections and one to turn on the other two I think.

Pretend Landline Phone

There is a mobile phone on the desk.

It is a cell phone but it is not a cell phone.

There is no defining what it is, but I know it is wireless because I can walk around with it when it is not in its cradle.

I call this phone our “PRETEND LANDLINE PHONE” and it stands in a perpetual charger, which is wired to a wall plug because even though we don’t have wired landline phones anymore, our pretend landline phones have to be charged.

I know, this sounds a bit garbled, but it is a clue to our in-home wiring system for various wired and wire-less devices.

Then there is my other “REAL WIRELESS CELL PHONE”  that I carry everywhere.  But that also has to be recharged and there is a wire for that.

And there is another wire to recharge the Kindle reader.

In addition, the printer has to be wired although I’m not sure where that wire is.

JUST IMAGINE ALL THOSE WIRES FOR ONE DESK!

Underwiring in the Inner Sanctum

But if you are brave enough to enter Bill’s inner sanctum, you will be even more impressed with wires.

He has all the same gadgets, but add the television and its assorted wires , and so many behind his desk I am afraid to dust due to the threat of electrocution!

IS THERE SOMETHING LIKE THE THIRD RAIL FOR WIRE CONNECTIONS?

When I asked Bill what all those wires are for, he said, “I honestly don’t know.  We had a fax machine once.  Remember that?”

“Yes.”

“Well, that could be one explained wire, and maybe another for the shredder,  but I don’t know what the other 30 or 40 are for.”

I LOVE BEING WIRED UP but we are fast approaching a state of strangulation!

Maybe robotic help is  in order,

but only if the robot is wireless.

 

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A Subtle Hint to Get Up and Go

I am leaving the computer now and may not return for many hours!

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Getting to Know You

One of the newer blogs I follow is Morristown Memos and Ronnie’s latest post was really funny.  Well, much as I hate to steal inspiration from  a blogger friend’s genius ideas, “what are friends for anyway?”  Here is my story of human exploration.  Thanks Ronnie!

Exploring a New Computer

I received a new computer for my birthday last year.   The lovely thing has so many keys and bells and whistles I knew I would spend weeks experimenting.  Why not just push buttons to see what they might do?

So I started clicking.

And suddenly there was a full screen picture

of a person I never met.

“Who is that ugly old hag?” I thought.

And then, alas, there was dismayed recognition.

“Oh No!  The Hag in the Computer is Me!”

I will never click that button again and I will ignore the sign on my computer that says “Skype – Voice and Video Calling with Built-in Webcam & Mic.”  Want me to share the picture of the hag in the computer?  Ha!

P.S.  If you would like to read Ronnie’s story of personal exploration, go to http://morristownmemos.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/the-store-window/ .  It’s a “doozy” as they used to say in the good ole days.

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