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Posts Tagged ‘Clothing’

WonderWoman

I am Woman!

I feel superbly smug this day.

Things were freezing on my computer you know, resulting in panic. I turned the computer off, walked away and came back, opened the lid.  But Argggh!  A dark screen!

A convincing inner voice said, “You really did it now.  You wrecked the computer.   Don’t touch anything else or you are doomed.”  But wait!  I forgot to push the little  button that opens the screen.  And Voila!  It all works again and everything that was frozen is thawed!

I feel superbly smug this day.  Mystery solved.

Be Brave!

My son was counselling me on how to operate Windows 10.  “Be brave, “he said, “Be willing to try different things.  Don’t be afraid to push buttons.  You can always undo what you have done.” Without his calm and expert advice, this blog would not exist.

The last time I was brave I deleted the cache on my cell phone and managed to put it in a deep freeze of protest.    There were no calls in or out and no emails either – just a dead phone.  Thankfully, things are now restored to normal.

calmclearcache

But I have reverted to a timid, cowering techie convinced that all connections will be severed if I push the wrong buttons.

Mismatched Eyebrows

O.K.  I admit I still want to look beautiful, even at a venerable old age.  I thought that was accomplished this morning, so while Bill was out bush hogging (that means mowing big overgrown fields with a big overgrown mower) (and I knew it was safe to indulge in self fantasy), I took a few selfies.

Selfie Eyebrows

The glasses helped to eliminate soften wrinkles but if you look closely enough, one eyebrow is light and one is dark!  Arrrrgh!

Looking beautiful at a venerable old age is a challenge if you can’t see straight enough to make your eyebrows match up.

Naked Desperation

I just read a book about organizing one’s things.  Starting with clothing, the idea is to hold and touch each piece you own to determine if you love it or not.  If you FEEL something is wrong and you FEEL you don’t love a piece of clothing, either discard it or put it in the donation pile.

I did it!  You can’t imagine the liberated feeling there is to this exercise!

But now the problem is, I don’t have anything to wear!

I have always said, “My husband wouldn’t notice if I went out naked.”  Now is his chance to prove me wrong.

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20160907_181640Would you believe that even men’s underclothing can be trendy and mysterious?

Parental Guidance recommended.  This is a true truly indelicate story.

Bill and I went shopping last week.

Bill purchased some great socks, a couple of T-shirts, and a package of three boxer shorts.   I complimented him on his refined taste in underdrawers.

“Good brand,” I said.

But when we got home and the new shorts were put to a test, he discovered a  serious flaw in the merchandise.

There was no fly!

“Can you imagine this?” he said.  

“Why would they ever sell boxer shorts with no fly?”

Since I try hard to solve all mysteries, I began thinking.

Thinking is supposed to be good for aging people.

  • Maybe they were shorts for sports.
  • Maybe when they called them boxers they meant the kind boxers really wear in the fighting ring.  They wouldn’t have a fly would they?  That would be somewhat risky depending upon where the knockout punch landed.
  • Men’s bathing suits don’t have a fly either, or do they?  I never really noticed.
  • Did George Washington have no-fly briefs?

    george-washington

    George Washington portrait

I tried hard to figure out the mystery but finally agreed the shorts Bill bought were flawed!

The fly/flies/flys must have been sewn shut by accident. 

I told Bill to give me the unused items and I would return them to the store and explain the manufacturer’s malfunction.

That night however, I began thinking again and mulling.  Isn’t mulling a lovely word?

And finally I thought of GOOGLE SEARCH!

And there they were – No-Fly Briefs – all over Amazon.com and everywhere else  you can think of.

They are the big “in” thing now because they are seamless if you are a man who wears tight pants.

Who knew?

But seamed or seamless, Bill will not wear them.  And by the way, he doesn’t wear tight pants either.

So goes my somewhat indelicate story of trends in modern day apparel.

And Bill is steering clear of the “no-fly zone.”

Re Comments:  

If your spouse or significant other is wearing no-fly boxer briefs, please, that is way more than I need to know.

 

 

 

 

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I had an easy day yesterday.  No hard labor, sweating or dropping food on my shirt.  Everything I wore was still clean and crisp by bedtime.  So in an odd change of habit, I hung everything up to air overnight (except the used underwear of course) and decided to wear the same things today (with fresh under garments of course).

After dressing and when I was all set to go, I met up with Bill and said, “Good morning Bill!”

“You look nice,” he replied.

“It’s exactly the same thing I wore yesterday,” said I.

“Oh.”

There was not much to say after that, but there is nothing like Morning After Laughter in yesterday’s clothes.

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My friend, Sheryl, of A Hundred Years Ago shares her Grandma’s own words (from her diary 100 years ago) a about shopping for new clothes and finding a gray suit.  Her Grandma’s young-girl excitement in 1913 over the new additions to her wardrobe got me thinking about yesterday’s  fashion trends.

Fashion Vogue Cover 1950

1950 Cover of Vogue

It doesn’t seem so long ago I was looking for my first job and hats were still in.  It was the 1950’s and we wore gloves too, “for special” (even in Florida).  We wore short gloves for daytime and long gloves for formal occasions.  A matching purse and shoes were required to complete the picture.

At the junior prom I actually wore long white gloves and they went all the way to the elbows.  They were slightly difficult to peel on and off.  Note: The fella in the pic was a boyfriend named Bobby.  My to-be, long-term husband, Bill, showed up  later.

fashion jrprom2

Dor at Junior Prom
Note Long Gloves

From the Prom to the Beach

And what about Bathing Suits?   The most popular bathing suit in my teen years was always a semi modest one piece!  There were two piece versions for the slimmer girls and I suppose  there were bikinis but I don’t remember seeing any.  Maybe “foreign women” wore them.  Very short shorts were risqué enough, even in the Florida sun.

Dor in 1-piece Bathing Suit 1956

Dor in 1-piece Bathing Suit
Back Steps 1956

Fashion Vogue BathingSuit 1950s

A Vogue Magazine Model 1950s

And I rolled my jeans up.  Did you?  Ooops… the hairdo needs some help from modern day beauticians!

Dor in Rolled Up Jeans

Dor in Rolled Up Jeans

And Before That?

Are you watching Downton Abbey?  Aren’t the styles delicious?

Downton Abbey Costumes 2

And Before That?

What about the long bouffant skirts ladies wore in the Civil War era?  Did you know that  false hems were loosely attached with big stitches?

Those delightfully swinging skirts would swoop along the ground picking up dirt and mud.  The dirty (false) hem could be removed, washed, and basted on again.  Voila!  Now you would not have to wash the whole dress every time – just the hem!

fashio scarlett-o-hara

Looking back at fashion trends is fun, no matter how far back you go.  I tend to dress for comfort now, but  keep a pair of short white gloves tucked away in case I ever need them.

I don’t much like the skinny jeans and other unflattering looks today, but who knows what we will think a hundred years from now?

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Daily Prompt -Flangiprop

Invent a definition for the word “flangiprop,” then use the word in a post. 

Prop: to support, or prevent from falling, with or as if with a prop (often followed by up ): to prop an old fence.

Flange: A protruding rim, edge, rib, or collar, as on a wheel or a pipe shaft, used to strengthen an object, hold it in place, or attach it to another object.

FLANGIPROP:  A device attached to a skinny jeans waistband to hold and fold in oozing flesh.

Skinny jeans on chunky people do not work.  Still, almost everybody is wearing them because it’s the style.    And not only are some jeans too “skinny” but to make things worse, the waistbands are below the belly button.  Eeeek!  What is that thing rolling over the top that makes a girl’s shape resemble an oozing marshmallow?  Am I missing something here?  Is it high style now to contort the female shape into obviously un-female like proportions?

Enter the magical  flangiprop!  Never heard of such a thing?  Well, think of a little platform that can snap out from your waistband!  Any overhanging flesh could just rest atop the flangiprop. A hinged flangiprop is even better so a person can close it upward (along with the flesh) – like drawing in the draw bridge to the old castles.  This may sound a bit painful, but a loose fitting sweater or blouse would disguise the little platform and could restore (or almost restore) the feminine profiled body shape.  After all, the draw bridge to the old castle (when drawn) is flat. You will need to concentrate on smiling though and not revealing your inner agony.

So write this down please.  If you are chunky and you wish to wear skinny jeans, be sure to invest in a Flangiprop (maybe even a few flangiprops in case you need them to handle love handles too!).  You can beat the belly bulge!  Who needs liposuction anyway?

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Before my husband and I moved to rural Virginia, or “the sticks”, as some people called it, I wore high heels and tailored dresses to work.  In fact, I enjoyed silk dresses for their climate-comfort versatility and timeless style.  Yes, I admit I was rather a stylish and elegant working woman.

So, when I announced our impending move to the sticks, I heard a few guffaws from friends who didn’t want us to go and commented, “You’ll be back.  You won’t like it there.  You will miss wearing high heels and silk dresses in the country!”  This made me dig in my heels (pun intended) even more of course, and I assured them I would always remain my usual elegant self, complete with silk dresses, high style and high heels.

Secretly I had also (romantically) decided to become “Mrs. Mike” – a character in a wonderful book and then film – the story of a girly girl who survived (for love of course) in the wilderness.  I figured – “that’s me, a wilderness lady.  I can be both elegant and tough at the same time.”

And so it went.  Our house was finally built on the red clay dirt of Virginia, and our driveway was paved with chunky, sharp edged black stones.  It was soon apparent that opportunities for elegantly appointed apparel were severely (if not entirely) limited.  And walking in high heels upon a gravel driveway can mean dangerous wobbling.  For even as I conquered balance, I noticed the finish was quickly disappearing from my heels.  Oh yes, the height of the heel lent grace to my stature, but if anyone bothered to look down they would notice the deplorable condition of this poor woman’s shoes!

Then there was the red clay (that would make great bricks).  Thick sticky dirt that becomes thick sticky mud is a deplorable obstacle to high heels.  Think quickmud instead of quicksand and you will have an idea how easy it is for a sharp heel to sink into unsuspected quagmires.  “Thwop” you are sucked in.  And “Thwop” you drag your foot out (hopefully with the shoe still attached).  Is this the same once lovely shoe?  Yuk!

So, as my friends in the civilized world had suggested, I switched to sneakers and jeans. Sneakers do not go well with silk dresses, so the dresses dwindled away as well.   I was consoled that at least my sneakers were brilliant white so I looked, neat, clean and put together in hardware stores.  But, I soon learned that working in the garden for an hour left my sparkling sneakers caked with sticky muck.  And if I didn’t wash my now not-so-brilliant sneakers right away (with a wire brush and in very hot water) they would stay looking forever nasty and smeared, and would not even be appropriate for forays to the hardware store.

Sneakers for Home & Sensible Heels for Special Occasions

Low Heels & Back to Basics

Next, I bought a pair of Wellington boots.  “Wellies” are rubberized boots that can be worn in the rain, maybe in the snow, and yes, in red clay.  My Wellies are always waiting at the back door.  Today I picked tomatoes from Bill’s somewhatextremely weedy garden.  I have a fear of snakes and other critters attacking bare legs as I wade through jungles of weeds and the Wellies come to mid-calf for protection.  An additional benefit is when I forget to take them off.  Yes, they look grungy and they are caked with mud, but they make me feel like a local and that I really belong here as I browse the local hardware store.

My Trusty Wellies

There may be one dress left in my closet now and it is not silk, but a kind of drip-dry thing I drag out for special occasions like funerals or weddings.  And there is at least one pair of my new version of high heels for special occasions.  They are about an inch high but I wobble in them now since I have become attached to the Wellies.

My friends in civilization were correct of course.  I had to give up style, elegance, silk dresses and high heels when we moved here.   And sometimes I do yearn for the old elegant me – but mostly I am content being Mrs. Mike, that not-so-elegant lady thwopping around in the sticky red clay of Virginia.

Today’s high heels are REALLY high!  Imagine these on my gravel drive.  Oh my!

Today’s High Heels

Country Tip for City Dudes:

If you are moving to the country, donate your high heels to charity and buy Wellies.

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