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Posts Tagged ‘Technology’

WonderWoman

I am Woman!

I feel superbly smug this day.

Things were freezing on my computer you know, resulting in panic. I turned the computer off, walked away and came back, opened the lid.  But Argggh!  A dark screen!

A convincing inner voice said, “You really did it now.  You wrecked the computer.   Don’t touch anything else or you are doomed.”  But wait!  I forgot to push the little  button that opens the screen.  And Voila!  It all works again and everything that was frozen is thawed!

I feel superbly smug this day.  Mystery solved.

Be Brave!

My son was counselling me on how to operate Windows 10.  “Be brave, “he said, “Be willing to try different things.  Don’t be afraid to push buttons.  You can always undo what you have done.” Without his calm and expert advice, this blog would not exist.

The last time I was brave I deleted the cache on my cell phone and managed to put it in a deep freeze of protest.    There were no calls in or out and no emails either – just a dead phone.  Thankfully, things are now restored to normal.

calmclearcache

But I have reverted to a timid, cowering techie convinced that all connections will be severed if I push the wrong buttons.

Mismatched Eyebrows

O.K.  I admit I still want to look beautiful, even at a venerable old age.  I thought that was accomplished this morning, so while Bill was out bush hogging (that means mowing big overgrown fields with a big overgrown mower) (and I knew it was safe to indulge in self fantasy), I took a few selfies.

Selfie Eyebrows

The glasses helped to eliminate soften wrinkles but if you look closely enough, one eyebrow is light and one is dark!  Arrrrgh!

Looking beautiful at a venerable old age is a challenge if you can’t see straight enough to make your eyebrows match up.

Naked Desperation

I just read a book about organizing one’s things.  Starting with clothing, the idea is to hold and touch each piece you own to determine if you love it or not.  If you FEEL something is wrong and you FEEL you don’t love a piece of clothing, either discard it or put it in the donation pile.

I did it!  You can’t imagine the liberated feeling there is to this exercise!

But now the problem is, I don’t have anything to wear!

I have always said, “My husband wouldn’t notice if I went out naked.”  Now is his chance to prove me wrong.

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Pedometer 1

The final indignity that has opted me out of modern gadgetry was an old reliable pedometer that finally ran out of batteries .

And of course, no one could figure out how to open the battery box.

Maybe it was frozen in shock at how few steps I walked in the last five years.

I mourned that little pedometer and somehow knew a substitute would require a Masters’ Degree in Programming and hours of frustration to get up and running walking.

Forced to buy a new pedometer- three or four new ones  to be exact- they all challenged my intelligence.

It’s not that I’m not intelligent.  I used to be considered a bright child.

But that was in the good old days when life was simple.  There were no huge technological innovations calculated to make things easier.

Life was easy enough with Off and On switches you might have to get up for.

But I am ranting.

Even after hours of reading and re-reading I could not decipher the directions to all the new pedometers stacking up in a secret hiding place reserved for storing complicated gadgets.

Asking for help, as you may know, is humiliating.

But trying one last time, I ordered a supposedly SIMPLE  PEDOMETER that “is operational right out of the box!”

Really?

I could hardly contain my excitement when it came – a simple little drop-in-your-pocket pedometer with great big Easy Read Numbers and a little pull-tag.

I pulled the tag (according to the directions) and it was ready to go!  No intelligence required!

But where were the instructions to program calories burned, body mass indexes, breaths per minute, miles consumed, muscle contractions, levels of perspiration, or all that other irrelevant stuff?  Not there.  What a relief!

All I ever wanted to know was STEPS!

And, although I hardly believe it, this little gadget ONLY REGISTERS STEPS!

No need to purchase another 550 page book on Pedometers for Dummies (I wonder if there really is such a book)!  I already have Computers for Dummies, Windows 10 for Dummies, and Office for Dummies, plus a few more.

“By golly,” as they used to say in the good old days, when I was intelligent,  “Someone has figured out how to regress to simpler times.”  Kudos to the inventor of this precious little Steps Only Pedometer!

And  now maybe I can fool the world into thinking I have a Master’s Degree in Programming.

Why can’t everything else be this easy?

Why do I always have to pull out the directions for my self cleaning oven?

Shouldn’t I just be able to hit “Clean??

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downtown lexington bistro

Downtown Lexington, Virginia has been abuzz with activities, young folks, traffic, and busy restaurants and shops.

It all has to do with end of school stuff (three universities in the area), plant sales, art shows, farmer’s markets, and the advent of Spring and Summer!

My friend Norma and I had lunch downtown at The Bistro.

The quiche was grand, the atmosphere was upbeat, and best of all, we had the chance to catch up on our lives.  It is always so surprising how much there is to talk about after about three or four weeks.

Corky is here!  That’s our son, who arrived Wednesday from California.  We met him at the door (like in the commercial) with all our technological questions (and gadgets) stored up for repair or clarification and pleas to help us with everlasting computer confusion.

 “Hi, good to see you.  Come on in!  None of this works.”

Cork has been offering Windows 10 lessons ever since he arrived.

I am now safely floating around in the Cloud too, but I keep thinking of the song, “The Little White Cloud that Cried.”  Isn’t there danger in trusting a cloud with all your family pictures?

 

Corky may be slightly overwhelmed by all the required tutorials.  Tomorrow will be devoted to Dashlane – a site that will store your passwords for you.  I think that is like a vault (in the cloud?).

“Everything on Microsoft is RIGHT CLICK Mom.

Now what do you do next?”

“Right click,” I reply.

“Great!  You are getting the hang of it.”

We had dinner at The Pink Cadillac again, which now boasts an expanded menu!  Interested in fried shrimp?  It’s there.  Or pulled pork barbecue?

pink cad interior

Like everyplace else around here, the old place was crowded with happy people.  Isn’t this a wonderful time of year?

Finally, who can discount the weather?  It rains almost every day. And folks are getting fed up with humidity and downpours.  I still love the sound of raindrops falling though, and tend to run around cracking windows open to increase the volume.

The good news is Big Foot is now reliably Small and the plantar fasciitis less sensitive.  It’s still there but seemingly subsiding.

It’s Bad Luck Day – Friday the 13th – but around here, there is a whole lot to be thankful for.

 

 

 

 

 

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416xNxOgden_Nash_Unripened_Berry_mini.jpg.pagespeed.ic.IjGEkqdiA0

There’s more to aging than I expected.

There is the expectation fear of aging.

For a week now my vision has been blurry.

And of course the insidious aging process has already begun.  Along with a myriad of minor aches and pains, my eyesight was fading.  Incoming email messages to my smart phone were lost in a dim sea of gray and I found myself straining (even with glasses) to read blogger’s posts and important correspondence.

Ha!  I do keep the ringer loud though, so people think I am extremely popular.

But back to fading eyesight, “Maybe I need new glasses,” I thought.

Last night I decided it was time to discuss this most recent aging complaint with a specialist.

On the other hand, maybe I should look at the smart phone settings first.

Surprise!

The brightness option was turned off.

And Voila!

With the click of a button, my vision was completely restored.

The moral of this story is not to let fear of aging (or warped technology) get you down.

Just because you can’t see straight doesn’t mean you need to adjust your glasses.

 

 

 

 

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Don’t cry over the past, it’s gone. Don’t stress about the future, it hasn’t arrived. Live in the present and make it beautiful. — Unknown

New Light Source in Antique Fixture

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sale

My closets are full  but devoid of the latest transformation-al apparel.  A person with a big foot needs life altering duds.

My face/body needs creams to wake up a winter complexion preserved in anti freeze.

And my hair needs more “products” – maybe even a wig!

There is a definite need for exercise gadgets to assist in achieving svelte beauty.

And the house!  Well, the house needs all sorts of replacements for worn out items….. maybe me included.

Big Foot has discovered any and all needed or not-s0-needed-items

can be found ON LINE (no electric go-cart necessary)!

Hurrah!  And just think of the big sales on now!  All that “stuff” is practically free.

Of course this is  self-deception to fool myself into never leaving a chair (and of course, being suckered out of all my money too).

I blame it all on Big Foot because the big boot I drag around means I greatly resemble Scrooge’s ghostly partner, Jacob Marley of Charles Dickens’  A Christmas Carol.  Marley was cursed with dragging around heavy chains for eternity.

Jacob Marley en.wikipedia.org

Jacob Marley
en.wikipedia.org

But poor Marley did not have the benefit of  modern technology and “retail therapy” on line!

  • He missed the thrill of the hunt,
  • then pride and joy in finding obscure gadgets,
  • and Woohoo! – a breathtaking plunge into the lurking danger of dealing with an unproven website!

But there is more:

  • The waiting and anticipation of delivery,
  • breathless expectation of the arrival of something new,
  • actually dragging the box inside,  and then
  • the exquisite joy of opening to discover the wonders within!

The problem with all this deviant behavior (even if it is a welcome diversion from lugging around cursed weights), is it becomes slightly radically compulsive.

I fear I am slipping into that obsessive compulsive realm of online shopping.

Will you, my friends, help with clever ideas for coping with boredom?  I am doomed to wear this big boot for 3 to 6 more weeks – maybe even longer!  Here are some suggestions from friends to date.  Your additions would be oh-so welcome.

Read (I am reading, reading and reading ad infinitum.)

Blog (Yes, I am blogging with little to write about except for online shopping adventures.)

Study Windows 10 (One page is enough because I need another manual to decipher the one page.)

Watch Television (That’s good for a few hours if I don’t count falling asleep.)

Sort Old Photographs (I am planning that but procrastinating)

Write Letters (Are you kidding? Recipients would faint.)

Write a Book (On the verge)

Big Foot Dor is in danger of appearing on one of those television hoarding shows. And Bill hasn’t seen the bill yet either!

 

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From magnetproject.wikispaces.com

From magnetproject.wikispaces.com

Magnets are fascinating!

I remember little girl games played for hours with a simple magnet purchased at the local five and dime.  My little brother and I would experiment to see what kinds of things it would suck up.  Would it magnetize pins through a piece of paper?  How many nails or paper clips could it hold at once?

And now magnets are everywhere.  There is one in my purse that snaps shut to hold a cell phone and a bunch of magnetic things on the refrigerator too.

And how about  jewelry like bracelets, necklaces with magnetic clasps, and even therapeutic magnetic jewelry to end depression and cure arthritis?

 I even have some magnetic earrings.

They hold together all the way through my delicate

(un-pierced) virgin ear lobes!

And Executive Toys are here to stay for grownups who have nothing productive to do at work.  I gave one of those games to my boss once and hinted for a raise.  I don’t think he got the hint though.

Executive Magnet Desk Toy from www.Amazon.com

Executive Magnet Desk Toy from http://www.Amazon.com

 

Magnets are still fascinating though, and guess what I am going to do on Thursday (for my mystery foot diagnosis)!

I am going to Roanoke, Virginia for an M R I !!!!!

MRI Machine from science.howstuffworks.com

MRI Machine from
science.howstuffworks.com

That stands for Magnetic Resonance Imaging.

Ha!

All that modern technology stuff  has to be a hoax and an MRI is probably only a great big magnet!

This is worrisome because there are three metal plates and six metal pins in my right ankle from an old break.  Obviously, all that metal is major suck-up material for a big old magnet right?

It doesn’t matter they will be trying to get a view of the left foot and ankle (referred to as the “lower left extremities”).

And does anybody care that my whole body

(and all its extremities)

may be slurped up, into, or onto a giant magnet?

And  never to be pried loose again!

If I should survive, however, you may be sure there will be a progress report on what happens when an MRI Machine Meets a Magnetic Personality.

Stay tuned…..

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