I Shoulda Stood in Bed

MAXINE

I was just recuperating from a week long cold and eager to get out of the house, so it was off to the grocery store for color, characters, and sustenance.  The supermarket is now the equivalent of Ye Olde General Store in rural Virginia, the center for meetings, greetings, smiles, and stories.

But, things did not go well this time and “I shoulda’ stood in bed.”

• Instead of friends, there were fruit flies flying around the onion bins – confused fruit flies. Don’t they know onions are not fruit?
•  I  forgot half the items on the shopping list because well, I left the entire list at home.
• Finally, to check out and hoping for Cheer and Sympathy (for my venerable age and sickly pallor) I chose a young, energetic  checker named Charlie.  Charlie was not friendly but he is my fevered story of the day.

As I unloaded the shopping cart onto a moving belt, I felt Charlie.

I mean I felt Charlie WAITING.  My 6th Sense you know.

“What is he waiting for?” I wondered.

Then I realized he was waiting for ME to put each item he bagged into the shopping cart.

Now it should be noted that I always do this anyway as my personal gift to the cashier.  

I never thought I was obliged to do it.

I actually think I am helping a hard working person who has to do it all day.

 And the cashier always chips in to help me too, with heavy or bulky items.

 It is  a friendly sharing and we even chat in the process.   

This worldly concept of peace and harmony did not overwhelm Charlie.

Charlie stood, arms folded, waiting.

He was waiting for an almost-elderly lady with a sickly pallor to move heavy items from his carousel back into the shopping cart.

Could this be true?  Could Charlie be so callous?

My foggy phlegm-filled brain slowly began to register CUSTOMER NEGLECT.  

It certainly did not register CUSTOMER SERVICE.

And with each  heavy item I loaded and as I tried to fit giant rolls of paper towels into the cart, I got madder and madder.   Can a person be screamingly silent?  I was screamingly silent but kept on working while Charlie waited.

The frown lines I had long been wishing to erase (with happy facial exercises) came back as deep, permanent etchings.

And in some mysterious way my otherwise docile charming personality evaporated, leaving an aggrieved sickly ogre.

When all the items were transferred BY ME (out of the shopping cart) onto the moving belt and then transferred BY ME back into the shopping cart, a young lady checker joined Charlie at the register.  And as I was writing out the check, they began bitching complaining about the nasty attitude and stupidity of a previous customer.

THAT DID IT!

“I am just curious,” I said with a grim grin and in my most charmingly sugar laced voice. 

“You, young man, have not lifted a finger to help load these groceries. 

Are the BUYERS in this establishment now EXPECTED to load all their groceries without help?”

And to my astonishment, the girl answered, “Yes, that’s the way we were trained.”

WHAT?

“You were TRAINED not to lift a finger to help a customer?”

Charlie did look a bit chagrined but he obviously had no idea how to answer the ogre in their midst.

I then turned to the lady behind me in line who had a case of colas in her cart.  “Let THEM lift it,” I said.

The ogre in me was so mad I could no longer engage in conversation and simply left the store muttering vows never to return.

Do you think Charlie and his friend were actually trained not to do anything to help a customer?  If so, how very unfortunate for future generations.

Maybe new young employees have never even heard of Customer Service and never will.

Maybe Charlie had a cold too.

After loading the car, I began to feel sorry for ignorant Charlie and his future progeny.

I am still slightly disturbed at the process though.

Here is what I believe Charlie was taught in store “training.”

• Customers are the enemy.
• Say, “Hello,” if they say it first.
• After  the customer’s groceries are bagged, he or she MUST reload them (without help) into the shopping cart.
• NEVER assist a customer in any way, even if the customer complains.
• Always maintain a blank faced decorum.
• Never apologize.

I realize of course, that Charlie was being confronted by the menacing side of me.

It was a day when “I shoulda’ stood in bed.”

Maybe it was a day Charlie shoulda’ stood in bed too.

“I shoulda’ stood in bed” is an idiom that was often quoted by my Hungarian father.
It means I should have stayed in bed.

 

 

 

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