The Discombobulated Ditz’s Downhill Dilemma

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The Discombobulated Ditz’s Downhill Dilemma

May 2, 2015 by dorannrule

I am only discombobulated when confronted with threats to life and limb.

I must tell you I blame husband, Bill and good friend, Norma who are both probably responsible for yesterday’s tortuous journey.

On the way back from Lexington, Virginia I noticed a flashing light on the dash. It was an insistent throbbing warning light with the image of a car going down a very steep hill! Yikes! I wasn’t even ON a hill!

In a real panic, I pulled into the first logical parking lot

which happened to be at our local funeral home.

Was the car DYING?

A funeral home parking lot would be an ironic resting place.

Were the brakes shot?

Was I doomed to crash at the bottom of some bottomless precipice?

Should I drive all the way home?

I consulted the auto’s Information Manual. Nothing.

I turned the car off. The flashing image disappeared.

I turned it on. The flashing image re-appeared.

Having made perfect sense of the on-off thing,

I moved the clutch up and down to different places. No change there either.

With no other options, and in a breathless state of irrational fear, I made the shaking decision to drive on home.

There is an explanation here if you will just stick around a little longer. Really.

It begins with Bill (who I blame for everything of course). He keeps a car oiled and inspected, but he doesn’t really care about keeping it pristine.

I try to ignore dust on the dashboard, and pebbles, paper, and bits of junk on the floor, but eventually I disintegrate into obsessive compulsive behavior. The obsession magnifies, especially if I will be the driver for the next outing with friend, Norma.

I do always blame Bill for everything of course, but for this incident I also blame Norma (who doesn’t yet know her culpability). This fearsome event was because her car is always immaculate! I do so admire Norma and her car but I feel shame about mine!

Anyway, it’s my turn to drive on our next outing so I began the arduous (slightly obsessive) herculean task of ArmorAll-ing, vacuuming, and removing dust and mud from door frames. “ArmorAll Wipes” help when I am in a shopping mall parking lot. That’s where I, well – o.k. I admit it – SWAB THINGS!

The results so far were a dust-free driver’s side! Success in sight!

So yesterday, in the grocery store parking lot I began swabbing the steering wheel and then moved on down to the clutch areas, etc. Of course that was before the fearsome warning light came on. Then came that harrowing white knuckle drive!

Safely arriving home with no extraordinary catastrophes, the problem was turned over to Bill, who (much as I hate to admit it) immediately solved the problem. It seems that my aggressive swabbing unwittingly depressed the downhill “assist” button (near the clutch), resulting in an afternoon of terror and erratic driving.

Please do not ask what the “downhill assist button” means or is! I have no clue.

But, all it took to restore order was to re-press the little downhill assist button once again. Voila! The flashing light is off!

However,

My Final

Messages to Bill and Norma

How to Prevent Discombobulated Ditzy Driving Among Your Peers

Answer #1: Bill, be more fastidious about keeping our car clean!

Answer #2: Norma, be sloppier and leave your car dirty for our outings!

Posted in Country Adventures, Country Thoughts, Friends, Humor, Survival | Tagged ArmorAll, Car Maintenance, Cars, country adventures, downhill gears, Driving, Driving and Safety, humor | 35 Comments

35 Responses

on May 2, 2015 at 2:47 pm John

Good grief, cars today have far too many bells and whistles. I am glad you are safe!

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on May 2, 2015 at 3:26 pm dorannrule

Safe and sound thanks John! Thanks. 🙂

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on May 2, 2015 at 10:35 pm photosfromtheloonybin

LOL!! Dor, you are the best storyteller in the world!

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on May 3, 2015 at 12:37 am Silver in the Barn

See? No good deed goes unpunished, I’m convinced!! Ha! I LOVE this story, Dor, told with your customary wit and warm humor. And I’m sure everything is Bill’s fault. BH can sympathize with him. LOL.

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on May 3, 2015 at 1:01 am Kate Crimmins

You are not alone. You are so not alone. I don’t know what half those flashing icons on the dashboard mean. What happened to language that says oil? The oil light looks like a tear drop, like the car may be sad. I had the tire underpressure light go on. Had no idea and of course any flashing light means immediate death. Turns out that in the cold winter weather your tires can register as underinflated. It just needed a pound or two of air. No biggie. Tell that to my heart which almost fluttered it’s last breath. Absolutely your incident was caused by your husband and your friend. I need them for my next car incident.

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on May 3, 2015 at 2:16 am emjayandthem

Hilarious! I heard a ding-ding-ding once in my current vehicle. Took me a while to figure out I was low on gas and it was a warning sign. I’d never experienced it before that – good grief!

Glad your experience turned out well 🙂 MJ

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on May 3, 2015 at 5:48 am Mama's Empty Nest

Yikes! I didn’t even know such a thing existed. I’m glad your hubby found the problem though. 🙂

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on May 3, 2015 at 7:39 am Norma

Who, me? Not me. Blame the guy I live with.

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on May 3, 2015 at 12:22 pm Dymphna Alexander

So funny and just the thing that could happen to me.

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on May 3, 2015 at 12:30 pm Jill Weatherholt

I did the same thing once, but I hit the cruise control button. Something I think we’d be better with a horse and buggy. 🙂

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on May 3, 2015 at 1:47 pm dogear6

Dor – I love reading your slices of life! What a hoot. BTW – no, you’re not the only one that does stuff like that. I was trying to describe a light on the dash to my husband – looks like a harp with a squiggle in the middle. He got kind of mad and told me my tires were too low. Unfortunately I was in Atlanta so I had to go to the gas station at Kroger and figure it out myself.

Nancy

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on May 3, 2015 at 2:14 pm dorannrule

I am now in your debt forever my friend! 🙂 You are too kind and I don’t know how to take compliments well.

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on May 3, 2015 at 2:15 pm dorannrule

Thanks for loving this story, but our poor guys! Do they really deserve such blatant blame?

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on May 3, 2015 at 2:18 pm dorannrule

Hahaha! “Any flashing light means immediate death!” That’s just how I feel Kate, about all the car symbols. Much like emoticons, I figure we will all soon be communicating with stick figure art and will be carving then into local caves! In the meantime I have to deal with heart palpitations when one of them lights up on the dash.

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on May 3, 2015 at 2:20 pm dorannrule

Ding Ding Dings? Don’t tell me I will have to react to THAT too! Horses are popular around here. I wonder if a horse and buggy might be a good idea. I mean, all I do really is go to town for groceries. 🙂

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on May 3, 2015 at 2:21 pm dorannrule

Nor did I Cindy. Nor did I. The world is now full of things invented to make life easier that perform poorly. Sage words from a person who calls the gear shift a “clutch.” This made Bill laugh in his sleep. 🙂

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on May 3, 2015 at 2:24 pm dorannrule

That’s a hoot Norma! I blame Bill and you blame the guy you live with! Would you send him over here before our next outing to take clean up my car? It would be community service – the penalty for causing warning signs to flash and causing me to panic. 🙂

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on May 3, 2015 at 2:27 pm dorannrule

Yes Dymph, then you would join the club of Discombobulated Ditzes and I would join the Wednesday Night Knitting Society! 🙂 P.S. Tell Ellie I got lost in the shawl, didn’t want to keep bugging you and her, so I made a scarf! This would be too hard to admit in person so I’m slipping it in here. 🙂

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on May 3, 2015 at 2:28 pm dorannrule

Funny, that horse and buggy thing just came to me too! So when you hit the cruise button, did you start cruising? Did you know how to stop?

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on May 3, 2015 at 2:30 pm dorannrule

Oooooh! I think I have seen that harp thing Nancy or maybe it was some other similar symbol. And yes, I panicked once again and went right to the gas station, but I think it was an impending flat tire.

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on May 3, 2015 at 3:02 pm apronheadlilly

🙂

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on May 3, 2015 at 11:21 pm Silver in the Barn

Yes. Yes, they do. Small price to pay for the privilege of being our husbands. 😊 😊 😊

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on May 4, 2015 at 1:27 am Kate Crimmins

I’ll start looking for a cave….

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on May 4, 2015 at 3:34 am thehappyhugger

I’m so glad it all worked out ok, Dor. 😊

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on May 4, 2015 at 5:48 am Mary

Thank goodness you are okay Miss Dorann! Love your stories, always met with great humor and a wonderful start to my day!!

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on May 4, 2015 at 10:41 am photosfromtheloonybin

You deserve the compliments. Just bask in the glory :).

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on May 4, 2015 at 11:40 am Debbie Spivey

LOL!! Glad it wasn’t anything serious and you made it home safely. I had a Jeep Liberty. For some reason there was some red type in the dash “type 15” near the odometer. The sunlight hit it and it look like it was illuminated. We looked all through the manual. We ended up realizing it was some weird wording, w/ no illumination. Still to this day never knew what it meant, but at least that Jeep always got me where I needed it to.
I love your stories, Dor! Keep ’em coming!

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on May 4, 2015 at 11:58 am Dianna

Well, I’m glad it was an easy fix! (And you now know from riding in our car that we do NOT keep a pristine vehicle!)

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on May 4, 2015 at 3:26 pm dorannrule

I am so glad you enjoy the stories Mary! I love your artwork too.

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on May 4, 2015 at 3:32 pm dorannrule

Okay – I am basking! Really. Glory is nice. 🙂

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on May 4, 2015 at 3:42 pm dorannrule

Maybe the auto manufacturers build in these mystery symbols and warning diagrams to make us think we are on the “cutting edge”. Little do they know they are putting us into harm’s way because of the distraction and fear. Funny that your mystery “type 15” was all lit up from the sun!

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on May 4, 2015 at 3:44 pm dorannrule

Ah ha! Now I remember why I was so comfortable riding along with you two. 🙂

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on May 5, 2015 at 2:11 am Mary

Thank you my friend!

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on May 6, 2015 at 1:35 pm katespencer17

You captured what would have been my thoughts perfectly. My hubby gets a computer report monthly reporting either that all is running within acceptable parameters, or there’s something that needs his attention. All I want to do is turn the ignition and drive the car – safely. You had me in stitches – loved the post.

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on May 6, 2015 at 1:46 pm dorannrule

Thanks Kate. I had to laugh at that scnario. Sometimes I really am a discombobulated ditz. 🙂

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