Yesterday I went Christmas shopping. I had to leave my lovely little town where everybody knows my name to venture out into a mega mall universe. It was a terrifying, disheartening experience. I just don’t fit in the outside world anymore. Maybe I am too old fashioned, too uptight, too something to cope with the strange behaviors of both shoppers and shops nowadays.
On the Way to the Mega Mall
En route was my favorite country store. I needed 10 pounds of raw blanched peanuts. What has this to do with Christmas shopping? I make homemade peanut brittle “to die for,” and I suppose that’s literal since it is full of sugar. But peanuts have protein right? So maybe the brittle is to live for. It tastes so darned good, and we all need more protein. But as they say, “I digress.”
My favorite country store was mobbed with coughing, sneezing, fairly rude other-worldly people jamming the aisles and slowing my progress to the raw peanut shelf. Bah Humbug! If I haven’t caught some deadly virus I will be surprised. I had the peanuts though so left quickly, silently screaming, “Lemme outta here!”
The Beds -Aren’t-All Store
Next was one of those mega stores so famous throughout our country – the Beds-Aren’t-All Store (fictitious name I hope). Oh, it was a wonderland of options. Supposedly specializing in linens and bedding, the product lines (and my brain waves) began to blur as I discovered coffee makers and jewelry boxes and slippers and even pots and pans and Christmas cards! Did I need to go anywhere else for holiday shopping? You bet. Too many choices in one place make me dizzy with indecision.
Trials and Travesty’s
Stop 3 was another renowned mega store I will call Trials and Travesty’s where I began to actually find things – not just for Christmas, but maybe for me too. Now there was a real incentive to stay awhile! Although the merchandise looked a bit picked over and there were screaming babies and distressed looking customers, I ignored all that. Because Look! There’s a black long-sleeved T-shirt I think will fit me perfectly and I need that. I really need that. And if I’m trying that on, I should have a couple of other things to try too. O.k., so I would just head for the fitting room (only a slight detour) before actually Christmas shopping.
Let Me In Please
“How many do you HAVE?” asked a sour faced clerk guarding the entrance to the fitting room. “Three,” I answered with a sweet smile (even though three items on hangars were clearly visible in my hot little hand). “Hang them here on this rack – STORE POLICY!” she said like a power hungry guard at SingSing. Huh? I obeyed orders, but something started to rankle deep within in my soul as she actually frisked the three hanging items. Undoubtedly this store was frequented frequently by robbers and thieves, else why the extreme security measures? Maybe I should get out ASAP.
Never let it be said I am a coward however. Even though the dressing rooms were slightly grungy and the sergeant at arms was grim, I went ahead (with her stamp of approval) and tried on the three things. The black T was the only top that fit (a tribute to my initial instincts).
Escaping the grim reaper, I moved right along and continued shopping and found miscellaneous other treasures like a soft throw for a favorite son of a favorite friend, wine glasses with no stems (my husband’s request, and subject for another blog), designer soaps and designer note pads, a couple of picture frames, and more. With my shopping cart heavy and full and my feet failing, I checked out.
Let Me Out Please!
It should be noted that my shopping cart had a tall pole attached. I thought it was there so people could find me in the vast chasm of this store. Nice touch. So I checked out and put all the heavy bags back in the cart and headed out the door.
WHOMP! No way to exit with a shopping cart since the pole stopped me short by hitting the top of the door! Was I going out the entrance instead of the exit? I headed for another door. WHOMP! The tall pole hit the top again. No exit there either. I had heavy bulky bags. How was I to get them to my car anyway?
“How do I get out of this store with a basket full of heavy bulky purchases if I can’t get them out the door?” I asked a harried checker. “You can’t go outside the store with a shopping cart – STORE POLICY!” she answered. “Well what do you suggest?” And she shrugged her shoulders, and said, “Drive your car up.”
Explosion Pending
I wondered, “Should I leave the cart at the door of this store which I now KNOW is subject to robbers and thieves? How could I get the car and make it back to the entrance in time to save my paid for loot?” I was perplexed, stopped short, semi paralyzed, confused and dismayed. And I was about to explode when a sweet, soft spoken young woman emerged from nowhere (like a Christmas angel) and said, “I will help you carry your bags out.” And so she did and my faith in real live people was restored. I wish I had asked her name so I could send her a Christmas card to thank her again for helping a complete stranger. I felt she was the only employee who deserved accolades for good business sense.
I did thank her profusely in the parking lot though, and told her the store she worked for was an abomination and that I would shop somewhere else from now on. “Oh, I don’t work here,” she said. “I was shopping too and I totally agree with you. I don’t like shopping here either.”
So much for the saga of early Christmas shopping blues and how I no longer fit into the larger buying community! Is it any wonder that so many people now prefer to shop online? On the other hand, if you’re shopping in “real time,” you may meet up with a real live angel.
Reblogged this on The Virginia Shopper and commented:
The Virginia Shopper tried leaving town but scurried back to shop once again at Virginia Born and Bred, where the living is easy and the shopping is too.
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I can’t wait for Christmas!
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I hate shopping for the same reasons plus I just plain old hate crowds. We lived in Sioux City, Iowa for a while and it was so nice. The stores were smaller, less selection to overwhelm you, and simply not so much hassle. Unfortunately the bookstores were the same way and I went to Omaha a lot for my books (plus Amazon of course).
You did a wonderful job with this long blog post – so glad I WASN’T there with you though.
Nancy
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oh I can SOOOOOOO relate Dor!!! am leaning more and more toward on line stuff and gift cards…..would you be willing to share your brittle recipe, or is it a trade secret?
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Hahahaha! I nearly lost my coffee at the dressing room guard…lol. Talk about a power trip. What scares me is this is happening in the beginning of November, what will it be like in December? Great laugh with a glimmer of hope to start the day…you could be considered an angel yourself : )
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Dor, this post is fabulous!! It made me smile and laugh, it made me nod my head in understanding, and it made me shake my head in disgust. I, too, have had to deal with some very ignorant people in the shopping world and stores that totally overwhelm me the “too much to choose from” dilemma. However, I also usually witness something that reinforces my belief that there are still good people out there who have been brought up properly to be helpful and respect others. And, shopping online is a great alternative too when you’ve just had too much of it all. I don’t like taking salespeople’s jobs away from them, but I am actually finding things a lot cheaper online, and then I can stay in the comfort of my own home :).
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I am so happy to read your blog post this morning with my 2nd coffee! I too really dislike being with ignorant people pushing and shoving lol all for that hot little item they must have! Life is about so much more. This years as in years past if someone should receive a gift from me it will be hand made by me or someone else.
I can crochet,bead and cook which should be OK for those I love if not they can RE-GIFT
🙂
Loved your trip though
Eunice
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Thanks Nancy… glad you agree. I was just venting I guess and that’s why it got long.
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Maybe if we all complain loud enough and long enough, the mega stores will get the message? Oh yes, I will be glad to share my peanut brittle recipe Kate and thanks for the idea for my next blog. 🙂
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Well! I’m so so happy I found you! An angel I am not but I’m awfully good at complaining. Isn’t blogging wonderful as we get to vent? But, glad you got in a little laughter over coffee too. 🙂
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What a grand friend you are Cindy, even if you do live in the blogusfear! Glad you enjoyed my unusually long diatribe. And I agree with you too about not liking to take jobs away from people so I rarely ever complain to the management. But yes, online shopping has some distinct advantages over autocratic fitting room guards. 🙂
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Handmade gifts are always the best I think, so I totally agree with you, especially since you have so many talents. And I doubt anyone would Re-gift. Glad you liked this post. I loved doing all the venting.
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🙂 I loved you reminding me of what I am NOT MISSING 🙂
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Oh, you know I always enjoy your blog :). You now what really gets me? Our big bookstore up here is called Chapters, and I was looking for a photography book that my Mom wants for Christmas. It was almost half the price to buy it from their online store than it was to buy it in the store! I mean with that much difference why would I drive an hour to get to the store with the price of gas what it is? I can’t understand why there is such a huge difference.
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I read this after I came home from my first shopping trip in two months. It wasn’t as bad as your trip but it wasn’t a complete success either. I will have to go out for gifts again…after black Friday or do on-line gifting. Shopping isn’t as much fun as it used to be!
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What a funny post! And what a great reminder in the rush of the season to reach out and give of ourselves. I hate the crowds too. And Erma Bombeck would have approved of your words.
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ACKKKK! I have had no time for Christmas shopping because of too much wedding shopping and now I have to brave the maddening crowds. It’s too much, I tell ya!
Your post resonated loudly with me today as I have spent way too much time in that ‘Beds Aren’t All’ store buying wedding gifts. Boxes upon boxes of deliveries from that store have showed up on my doorstep from other people and frankly, I’m tired of seeing that logo.
And good golly, miss molly, we’ve got one of those ‘Trials and Travesties’ stores too — their ‘store policies’ and those darn carts with the pole thingy are enough to make anyone say, “bah, humbug.”
Yep, it’s Christmas shopping season all right. :-O
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🙂 🙂
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Ditto! And no, I don’t understand why something at the store is so much more expensive than online. Sometimes I wonder about the retail mentality. Sometimes I wonder about a lot of things. Like why am I the only normal person I know? 🙂
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Yep, shopping used to be fun all right. I could last a lot longer and had a lot more patience I think. Plus living in a very small town with no crowds or traffic has a way of spoiling you. 🙂
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THANKS coastalcrone! I love it that you think Erma Bombeck would have approved the shopping post, and that you caught the “giving” part too. It’s a wonderful life! 🙂
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Oooh mama – you need a shopping break from all those weddings. And I love your opener – “ACKKK!” My sentiments exactly. 🙂
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Ha-ha! I kind of felt like Charlie Brown when I wrote that “ackkkkk!!” 😉
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lol
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Are you saying I’m not normal?!? LOL!!! Actually, wait a minute, I’m not normal – I’m crazy :$
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I feel for you…can’t even think of being out in the crowds this year. I do as much as I can from the comfort of my sofa, attired in cozy pjs and with a big cup of tea! Something to be said for Mom and Pop shops. I did a piece last Easter when I was pissed off for the same reason. You go out with spirits high thinking it’s the holiday and people will be friendly and helpful. But no! They are grabby and downright rude instead. So glad you met a Christmas Angel and that your story had a happy ending. Loved reading your piece!
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Hi Dor, I’m back again! Just wanted to share with you that I posted today about the Liebster award you were so kind to pass to me. Be blessed today, my friend! http://mamasemptynest.wordpress.com/2012/11/16/danke-my-liebster/
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DId you check your bags. Your angel was probably casing the joint and robbed you blind. 🙂
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Uh…I refuse to answer on the grounds…. etc….. 🙂
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Thanks Dana, and yes, I’m back in my pjs too now and shopping on line…. 🙂
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Thanks for all your kind words mama (notice I am maintaining your privacy). I loved reading all your answers and glad we are alike in so many ways.
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Uh Oh… no, I forgot to check the bags, but will do so pronto. But suspicious of an angel? I will have sunk to new depths.
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Dark ones. 🙂
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🙂
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I think I know the store you are describing. I always find great deals there, but it’s never a pleasant experience. ;( Thank goodness for those angels that renew our faith in kindness.
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Sounds like you know it all right – and I did get some great deals – just couldn’t get out of the place. 🙂
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[…] Christmas Shopping Blues (countryliving4beginners.wordpress.com) […]
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I so know what you are talking about–what a great post!
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Thanks so much for commenting on my “cookie” post. I loved yours too and will be looking forward to browsing around your blog. 🙂
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This was very entertaining. I read it a while ago and decided to revisit again tonight. HILARIOUS! Have you ever decided to do stand up comedy? You must be a fun person to visit. Keep it coming!
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How you do make me grin and I’m glad noone can see me grinning like this at the computer! Thanks Pauline! 🙂
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great information i lke it.
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Thanks for stopping by my blog! 🙂
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I do my best stay away from the stores at this time of year. I cannot stand it either. Especially the Christmas instrumental music that is playing much faster than it should. Jingle Bells sounded frantic. Supposed to push people to shop faster, I suppose. I started singing with Jingle Bells, with the same frantic tempo—
“Christmas greed, Christmas greed…
How much can I buy?
I’m celebrating Christmas….
I can’t remember why….Ooooooh… (I didn’t make up the second verse yet).
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Ditto! The fast music is usually in cheap restaurants to make you chew faster and get out. Never thought about it working on shopping faster too. Love your new holiday song…. 🙂
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