How to Keep Your Mouth Shut When You’re Out Cold

It comes as rather a nasty surprise that I am aging.

You too?

Oh, I knew there would be a few aches and pains,

and of course a face with well placed character-wrinkles

and some artfully arranged gray hairs.

But the plan was (and still is) to ignore such minor imperfections and compensate with self deception.

Creams and lotions help (and please try them all like I do).  The commercials might be right after all.

And  maintaining an upbeat, youthful attitude is the way to go.

This means a devotion to nutrition and exercise (if you practise on rare occasions like I do).

But who knew about falling asleep in a chair and waking up

with mouth wide open?

And how can you take charge of keeping

your mouth shut when you’re out cold?

I admit this humiliating onset of age mars my usually proud

and eternally youthful countenance.  And thankfully, I don’t snore!

But

I am now hoping for soulmates out there (those of you with gaping jaws)

to come forward with your learned-from-experience solutions to this ultimate indignity.

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The Warning Signs of Aging

From: http://www.hauteliving.com

When I was young and wrinkle free (never mind care free), I thought the first sign of aging would be a gray hair followed by a wrinkle.  I also believed the old hag image could be avoided by eating and sleeping right and using all the miracle creams advertised on television and in magazines.

Hope is a many splendored thing, but the truth is harder to take.

Over time, there were signals that healthy living and preening were not quite succeeding:

1. Police-people began to look like children. I wondered why little kids were assigned for protection.
2. My doctor was the same age as my son!  He is still the same age as my son but now they both look middle aged while I still feel 18. (?)  Who can explain this?  Note:  I didn’t say I LOOK 18!
3. Then a nice young man at the supermarket began saying, “Yes Maam.”  Was he talking to ME? REALLY?  Should I call him “Son?”
4. Then another nice young man somewhere opened a door for me.  Hasn’t he heard that chivalry is already dead?  YOUNG women open their own doors. I CAN OPEN MY OWN DOOR – THANK YOU!
5. Oh NO!  the first gray hair came and went (ouch!) but suddenly there were waaaay too many.
6. The first wrinkle was a frown line.  Oh well, that could be blocked out with photo slight of hand.  You will never see a wrinkle in my selfies!  Ha!  I got THAT down pat.
7. In airports,  people seem to think I am lost or confused.  “Do you need help?” they ask.  Hmmmmm.  It’s odd but I usually do.
8. Magazine ads stop giving beauty hints when they get to the “Over ___” category
9. Salespeople exclaim, “Oh, my grandmother bought one of those and she just LOVES it.”
10. The AARP card has some real advantages – like free coffee – even if  I don’t even have to show the card.
11. My grandgirls look the same age as I think I look until I look in the mirror.  I am considering hanging black shrouds over mirrors!

 Perhaps there is a vitamin to ward off the old hag image.  Only I know how many weird vitamin supplements are taking up space in my kitchen cabinet(s) and they are all secretly labeled “Hope dashed.  Store for later discard.”

Yes, hope is a many splendored thing, and I am still in favor of eating right, sleeping right, and exercising for energy and good looks.

I have been duly warned by the experts however, that with healthful living and of course, the most expensive beauty products, I will look 20 years younger and live long enough to enjoy 15 minutes more a day drooling in my soup.

 

 

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How to Stay Young

The Big Black Book

I have a Big Black Book at home, of things that are deemed “important”.

And no, it’s not the “hoarding” book!  That one is brown.  This one is black and holds vital information like old notes from Mom advising me never to leave home without a dime for a phone call.

On rare occasions I look through The Book’s pages to delete what may have become unimportant.

This morning, in the Big Black Book,  I re-discovered a list of Things to Do to Stay Young!

Now that list stays and is worth a periodic review.

And of course I must share it with you too so we can all cling to youth together and blog into the happily-ever-after.

*Note:  Notes in italics are Dor’s current reactions.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

 ~Author Unknown

• Throw out nonessential numbers like Age or Weight.  You should let the doctor worry about those things.   I do love this one.  My doctor is getting old though so he has his own worries.
• Keep only cheerful friends. Grouches will pull you down.  Ahh! And you should also stay cheerful so your friends will not perceive you as a grouch!
• Keep learning. Uh oh!  I have just taken a vow to stop learning!
• Learn about the computer! (Are they kidding? That’s all I do!).
• Never let the brain be idle.  Drat!  I was looking forward to an idle brain with no learning challenges.
• Enjoy all the simple things. Is lounging in a deck chair simple enough?
• Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.  O.K., I do type “LOL” on blogger pals’ very funny blog posts, and my son makes me laugh so hard I cry (and have to change slacks).
• Love yourself.  The only person with you for your entire life is you.  (Me? As my own lifelong companion?).
• Surround yourself with what you love, family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.  Family and pets are good but would chocolate be all right? The doctor could take care of the weight!
• Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it.  If it is unstable, improve it.  If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.  I am in the preservation mode verging on unstable and heading toward unimproved so cherishing is a good idea.
• Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is. Give me a break!  Guilt has been my ultimate destination since childhood!  
• Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity. I tried that once but Bill began to question all the attention!

Do you have any tips that make sense to add to this list?  I am not quite sure it will work on its own.

Maybe we can create a manual that would substitute for the Fountain of Youth and bury it somewhere to be found in 10,000 years.

We might even be around to verify its authenticity.

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