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My favorite stories are about survival.

Like tales about the plague or hurricanes are just wonderful.

Surely there must be germs of experience in such doomsday revelations to help one through life’s most pressing challenges.

But the latest survival information I discovered is even more direct.  A rather obscure article I read recently gave explicit instructions on imaging to deal with life problems.  Evidently you can think your way into surviving anything by simply writing a thought, shredding it, and then discarding what you wrote!

Doesn’t that make some logical sense?

Presumably, the image of trashing a problem like the plague (after you reduce it to little paper bits) will make the whole thing go away.  I’m sure they never thought of imaging in the days of death-by-plague, but we have definitely come a long way since then haven’t we?

Anyway, as instructed, I now spend 15 to 30 minutes a day writing down every thought and then shredding and discarding each thought, one by one.

The waste basket is full of bits of  note paper .

And in the last few days noticeable patterns emerged.

PATTERNS:

  1. Reminders.

    “Buy milk.”

    “Get graduation cards for J and K.”

    “Call Kit.”

    (Do you see any correlation to eradicating a serious problem in such thoughts? Well I wrote them down anyway and did the dastardly shredding.)

  2. Questions.

    “When will my friend be moving back to this area?”

    “Should I order pot holders online?”

    (So far there have been no subliminal answers. Maybe I am thinking of this exercise like it’s a Ouiga Board.)

  3. Wishes.

    “I wish I had a dog.”

    “Wish I didn’t have to cook dinner tonight.”

    “I wish I was thin.”

    (Now wouldn’t that be something if I could tear up the last wish and begin to lose weight?  I did notice I skipped the after-lunch cookie today!)

CONCLUSIONS:

  • This exercise is fun.
  • I don’t think it has any intrinsic value but will let you know if I ever feel problem free.
  • Maybe the exercise can be tailored to address specific problems.  Like one day you shred only those thoughts that are about wishes.
  • Or maybe it is like writing a letter to Santa, who will read the list and come forth with all the goodies
  • I don’t see any signs that my expected longevity is extended.
  • So much for shredding problems.
  • And so much for survival.

And my last thought was/is in the Reminder category, “Don’t forget to buy a whole bunch of scratch pads because you are running out of shredding-paper.”

Now maybe THAT is a solveable problem except I shredded the reminder and will probably forget what I was trying to remember.

 

 

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Visions of a Demure Dinner

Will I lose weight on this diet?

Demure Dinner

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Upper Body Exercise

There is a trick (I have learned the hard way) to staying fit while being unbalanced and dragging around a cement block (the big Air-Cam Walker Boot attached to Dor’s foot).

Actually, there are two tricks to gaining strength and even losing weight.

One is for the upper body called the GWee Gym which is a portable elasticized thing. You can establish some rather nice routines with this neat little gadget but I have only used it once in these first weeks of adjustment.

This is because my upper body is too tired

from dragging around the cement block on my lower body.

Yesterday, however, I discovered a build-up-your-LEGS-exercise that, with practice, will turn me into the Wonder Woman I always wanted to be.

I know this sounds like a modern fairy tale, but if you are interested in a Magical Muscle Building Technique (even if you have no Air-Cam Cement Block Boot on your leg) read on:

Note:  The electrical go-carts at the big grocery stores

are the Exercise Machines of Choice.

  1. Climb on a go-cart and tootle around filling the basket to your heart’s content.
  2. Go all the way to the back of the store.
  3. At this point you should run out of batteries.
  4. Now walk to the front of the store.
  5. Pick up a regular push cart you have to manage on your own two feet.
  6. Now walk it to the back of the store to meet your dead go-cart.
  7. Transfer all the many items you have purchased from the electric cart to the “real” cart.
  8. Now walk to the front of the store again and pick up another “charged” cart and finish shopping.
  9. If there is any battery life left, drive the 2nd electric cart back to the real cart and transfer all remaining items again.
  10. And finally, walk the real cart to the front of the store to check out.

Note:  This routine does not even include the walk to the car or loading and unloading the stuff in the lot and at home.

Image from quotesgram.com

Image from quotesgram.com

I have noticed I am losing weight and getting stronger hips and legs.

I’m sure it’s because of all these magical exercises so I will keep doing them right into the New Year!

Tomorrow starts the New Year!  Time to roll over on the right side again!

HAPPY NEW YEAR my friends.    Happy New Year!

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Weekly Photo Challenge:  Half and Half

Wedding Rings 1

Yesterday I was doing something with my left hand that caused two fingers to cramp.

Not knowing what else to do, I began to shake that hand.

And my wedding ring flew off and wound up clear across the room!

I noticed my ring finger was miraculously slim.  It was evidently too skinny to hang onto the wedding ring.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO A TALE OF TWO RINGS!

Once upon a time there was a couple who thought they were in love.

They planned to marry and purchased two wedding rings – a little one for her and a bigger one for him.

Time went on but they did not marry.   I guess they were never meant for each other.

But there was another couple who planned to marry.

They bought the two almost-used wedding rings from the first couple.

They got two rings for $25.00.  What a DEAL huh?

DOR AND BILL WERE THAT SECOND COUPLE.

Wedding Day Note: Dor's Dad Not Happy

Wedding Day
Note: Dor’s Dad Not Happy

Dor’s Dad objected to the union and predicted “the bum” (Bill) would divorce Dor as soon as he graduated from college.

Nevertheless, they were married by a Justice of the Peace, and Bill said that thing about, “With this ring I thee wed.”

And they agreed to share all their worldly goods,

which of course, were nil.

And even though Bill never wore his Big Ring, Dor wore her Little Ring forever;

well, for years and years and years anyway.

Half of $25 is $12.50 (the cost of Dor’s wedding ring).  What a DEAL huh?

I am very good at math.

But, one day when Dor was a grandparent and still married to the same “bum”, her finger began to ache.

Arthritis maybe?  Naw.

Why would arthritis hit only one finger?

And why just the ring finger?

Bill had graduated from college and was long retired from work so it wasn’t Dor’s father’s  curse coming back to haunt them.

Dor finally noticed her aching finger was miraculously FAT!

Before you condemn Dor as a weight gaining sloth, please remember the time lapse.

It is likely that a child bride’s finger might grow bigger over time.

FINGER WEIGHT PROBABLY FLUCTUATES.

But Dor’s ring  was cutting off circulation, was leaving a deeply imbedded ringlike scar, and the only way to get the ring off was with soap and water!

So Dor took Bill’s original Big $12.50 ring to a jeweler where it was then reduced in size to fit an aging, slightly overweight bride.

At least it was a half of the original pair right?

And that is the happy ending (or beginning) of the Tale of Two Rings.

The groom’s ring is the one that flew off Dor’s finger and wound up clear across the room!

DOES THAT MEAN DOR LOST WEIGHT?

Y  E  S  S  S  S  S  S!!!

Well, maybe a little.

And Dor now has two rings that make a whole marriage.

There is the BIG ring that fits a fat finger

And the LITTLE ring that fits a slim finger.

And this marriage was meant to last forever.

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SilhouetteI have been on a “diet” most of my life and am always shocked at how many different approaches there are to achieving a slim profile.   I think my slimmest profile was probably at birth because the search for a foolproof diet has never ended.

Well imagine my delight when looking through a box of old memories I stumbled upon forgotten words of wisdom from my long-departed mother.  The yellowed crackly piece of paper inspired my imagination.  I had found a long lost treasure on how to lose weight.

Talk about excited!

I was so thrilled I immediately began retyping the whole thing – for you, my friends, who may also be in search of a diet with a guarantee. And I graciously accept your words of gratitude (in advance) for sharing this with you now.

A WEIGHT LOSS DIET GUARANTEED TO WORK

BECAUSE MY WISE OLD MOM ONCE TOLD ME SO:

Monday

Breakfast – Weak tea.

Lunch – One bouillon cube, half cup diluted water.

Dinner – One pigeon thigh, 3 ounces prune juice (gargle only).

Tuesday

Breakfast – Scraped crumbs of burnt toast.

Lunch – One doughnut hole without sugar, one glass dehydrated water.

Dinner – One fish egg – shad or sturgeon (minced).

Wednesday

Breakfast – Shredded egg shell skins.

Lunch – Belly button from navel orange.

Dinner – 3 eyes from Irish potatoes (diced).

Thursday

Breakfast – Half ounce strained unflavored jello with one peeled grape.

Lunch – Half dozen poppy seeds.

Dinner – Bee’s knees and mosquito knuckles sauté with vinegar.

Friday

Breakfast – Two lobster antennae.

Lunch – One guppy fin.

Dinner – Fillet of soft shelled crab claw.

Saturday

Breakfast – Four chopped banana seeds.

Lunch – Broiled butterfly liver.

Dinner – Jellyfish vertebrae a la bookbinder.

Sunday

Breakfast – Pickled hummingbird tongues.

Lunch – Prime ribs of tadpole and aroma of empty custard pie plate.

Dinner – Tossed paprika and clover leaf (one).

Notice:  All meals to be eaten under microscope to avoid extra portions.

Good luck with this diet my friends.

You have now met my Mom, whose sense of humor was one of her most remarkable traits.

She is long gone to her better place, but comes back to me in strange and wonderful ways.

Silhouette of successful weight loss figure from www.fatlossmentality.com .

 

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Rozie at 103 Pounds

Rozie at 103 Pounds

ROZIE REPORT

Our big old dog, Rozie, is still fighting for her life.  She was big at 103 pounds when we started.  She is no longer big however.  I can’t believe Rozie has lost 19 pounds in about six weeks!

 Bill says, “Good thing she was overweight to begin with. If she had been the right weight, she would now be emaciated.”

He said that a week ago.

Actually Rozie was looking rather handsome then, at her new svelt 89 pounds.

 That was until she lost five more and is now 84 pounds.

 And now we can feel her ribs and shoulder bones.

She simply refuses to eat, even with appetite stimulants and coaxing with all the goodies of her previous life.

She is also getting weaker.

Bill and I have been up and down and all around trying to help her recover from an infection that set in after she had an abscessed tooth removed.   Her appetite disappeared along with the tooth.

Today she met the vet again, who realized there is another questionable tooth in there, so we left her for another extraction.  He thinks this may do the trick and that we will see a dramatic improvement in a few days.

Keep your fingers crossed for good old Rozie.  She really is a sweetheart and we are hoping for the best.

Now Rozie’s stress has rubbed off on me, so I am losing my appetite too and have lost two pounds in six weeks.

I can’t feel any ribs yet though and my shoulders and other more prominent areas are still well padded.

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