The Cook is Not in Love

“The cook is not in love.”

That’s what my unforgettable Hungarian Dad used to tell us (with a smile) at the dinner table.  He claimed it was a popular saying from the old country that meant the cook (in this case, my mother) did not put enough salt in the food.  I have never heard that again but I always taste and re-taste to avoid the label “not in love.”

Lately, I have been thinking of all the sage words of wisdom my parents offered us kids growing up.  The parents are long gone now but many of their beliefs and admonitions live on.  And surprisingly, I think much of my life is still parent-directed (or maybe mis-directed as the case may be).

Dad used to say,

“Never visit a person’s home without bringing a gift – bread, wine or candy.”

Yep.  I do that.  If you were thinking of inviting me over, you may be in for a treat.

“Never borrow.  Never go into debt.  Pay CASH.”

Do credit cards count if I pay them on time?   Always do.  No debt here Pop.  Nope.  No debt here.

“Do not get FAT.  Your husband will divorce you.” 

Uh oh.  Well Dad, I am  “pleasingly plump” and  still married.  However, due to that warning I am always a bit worried about a slimmer woman taking over.

.

“Do not sit by an open door or window during a thunder storm. And do not pat a dog.  Dog’s attract LIGHTNING!” 

No wonder I head for the closet!  Used to blame it on the dog’s fear though.

 “Allow for cross ventilation in a hurricane or the wind will take the roof off.  Be sure to open two windows.”

We lived in Florida and had hurricanes.  Dunno if Dad’s observation was true but a roof is important right? I don’t live in Florida or even in a hurricane prone area, but still keep two windows cracked just in case.

“Only FOOLS sing at the dinner table.” 

Does humming count?  I can’t carry a tune, so maybe he invented that one to ensure silence.

But Dad wasn’t the only one who came up with interesting cautions and observations.

Mom said,

“You are not really old until you are 60.  It’s all downhill after that.”

Uh oh.   Thanks A LOT Mom.  It’s  definitely a steep decline.

“Always carry a dime for an emergency telephone call.”

Huh?  I suppose now it would be, “Don’t forget your cell phone!”

“Don’t be an OMELET!” 

Can you guess what she meant by that?

“He’s a big Butter and Egg man.” 

How about THAT?

“There is no excuse for bad manners.”  

Agreed.

“Don’t be a doormat.”

(Stand up for yourself)  Agreed.

After a cursory revisit to the words of wisdom of my parents, I have concluded it may not really be the sins of the fathers or mothers that shape our lives, but the sayings.

What did your parents say to influence your life today?

Note:  The cartoon of the woman on a scale is from an unknown source.  It came to me in an email and I cannot make out the bottom credit.

 

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A Foolproof Diet

I have been on a “diet” most of my life and am always shocked at how many different approaches there are to achieving a slim profile.   I think my slimmest profile was probably at birth because the search for a foolproof diet has never ended.

Well imagine my delight when looking through a box of old memories I stumbled upon forgotten words of wisdom from my long-departed mother.  The yellowed crackly piece of paper inspired my imagination.  I had found a long lost treasure on how to lose weight.

Talk about excited!

I was so thrilled I immediately began retyping the whole thing – for you, my friends, who may also be in search of a diet with a guarantee. And I graciously accept your words of gratitude (in advance) for sharing this with you now.

A WEIGHT LOSS DIET GUARANTEED TO WORK

BECAUSE MY WISE OLD MOM ONCE TOLD ME SO:

Monday

Breakfast – Weak tea.

Lunch – One bouillon cube, half cup diluted water.

Dinner – One pigeon thigh, 3 ounces prune juice (gargle only).

Tuesday

Breakfast – Scraped crumbs of burnt toast.

Lunch – One doughnut hole without sugar, one glass dehydrated water.

Dinner – One fish egg – shad or sturgeon (minced).

Wednesday

Breakfast – Shredded egg shell skins.

Lunch – Belly button from navel orange.

Dinner – 3 eyes from Irish potatoes (diced).

Thursday

Breakfast – Half ounce strained unflavored jello with one peeled grape.

Lunch – Half dozen poppy seeds.

Dinner – Bee’s knees and mosquito knuckles sauté with vinegar.

Friday

Breakfast – Two lobster antennae.

Lunch – One guppy fin.

Dinner – Fillet of soft shelled crab claw.

Saturday

Breakfast – Four chopped banana seeds.

Lunch – Broiled butterfly liver.

Dinner – Jellyfish vertebrae a la bookbinder.

Sunday

Breakfast – Pickled hummingbird tongues.

Lunch – Prime ribs of tadpole and aroma of empty custard pie plate.

Dinner – Tossed paprika and clover leaf (one).

Notice:  All meals to be eaten under microscope to avoid extra portions.

Good luck with this diet my friends.

You have now met my Mom, whose sense of humor was one of her most remarkable traits.

She is long gone to her better place, but comes back to me in strange and wonderful ways.

Silhouette of successful weight loss figure from www.fatlossmentality.com .

 

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Cooking Without Mom

Mom’s Pot

Daily Prompt: Ingredients

What’s the one item in your kitchen you can’t possibly cook without? 

A spice, your grandma’s measuring cup,

instant ramen – what’s your magic ingredient and why?

Maybe it’s because I hate to cook that no specific special ingredient comes to mind.  I do wish there was a magical elixir like a spice or something.  If I had to choose, maybe it would be powdered gravy!

But if we are talking about “items” and not food ingredients, I would choose my Mom’s flat bottomed sauce pan.

I silently call it “Mom’s Pot.”  Mom is long gone but I still miss her, so that pot has deep meaning.

Because it belonged to her and I always saw her cooking things in it, I figure it must have wondrous qualities.  Mom would only want the best for her kids – like the best mashed potatoes (even though hers were always lumpy).

Still, I have my issues with Mom’s Pot.  I think I have mentioned she was not a good cook and maybe she could blame that pot and never told me.

It burns everything I cook in it.

I spend hours soaking the thing and then scraping off the stuck on stuff with a sharp instrument.

But hey – it’s Mom’s Pot and it is the one thing in my kitchen I would never want to do without.  And I would NEVER give it up.

“Cooking with memories is a far finer thing than serving a good meal.” ~Dor

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