I have been on a “diet” most of my life and am always shocked at how many different approaches there are to achieving a slim profile. I think my slimmest profile was probably at birth because the search for a foolproof diet has never ended.
Well imagine my delight when looking through a box of old memories I stumbled upon forgotten words of wisdom from my long-departed mother. The yellowed crackly piece of paper inspired my imagination. I had found a long lost treasure on how to lose weight.
Talk about excited!
I was so thrilled I immediately began retyping the whole thing – for you, my friends, who may also be in search of a diet with a guarantee. And I graciously accept your words of gratitude (in advance) for sharing this with you now.
A WEIGHT LOSS DIET GUARANTEED TO WORK
BECAUSE MY WISE OLD MOM ONCE TOLD ME SO:
Monday
Breakfast – Weak tea.
Lunch – One bouillon cube, half cup diluted water.
Dinner – One pigeon thigh, 3 ounces prune juice (gargle only).
Tuesday
Breakfast – Scraped crumbs of burnt toast.
Lunch – One doughnut hole without sugar, one glass dehydrated water.
Dinner – One fish egg – shad or sturgeon (minced).
Wednesday
Breakfast – Shredded egg shell skins.
Lunch – Belly button from navel orange.
Dinner – 3 eyes from Irish potatoes (diced).
Thursday
Breakfast – Half ounce strained unflavored jello with one peeled grape.
Lunch – Half dozen poppy seeds.
Dinner – Bee’s knees and mosquito knuckles sauté with vinegar.
Friday
Breakfast – Two lobster antennae.
Lunch – One guppy fin.
Dinner – Fillet of soft shelled crab claw.
Saturday
Breakfast – Four chopped banana seeds.
Lunch – Broiled butterfly liver.
Dinner – Jellyfish vertebrae a la bookbinder.
Sunday
Breakfast – Pickled hummingbird tongues.
Lunch – Prime ribs of tadpole and aroma of empty custard pie plate.
Dinner – Tossed paprika and clover leaf (one).
Notice: All meals to be eaten under microscope to avoid extra portions.
Good luck with this diet my friends.
You have now met my Mom, whose sense of humor was one of her most remarkable traits.
She is long gone to her better place, but comes back to me in strange and wonderful ways.
Silhouette of successful weight loss figure from www.fatlossmentality.com .
Virginia Views 