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Posts Tagged ‘Directions’

streetview

Lee Highway

This morning I had an appointment in Staunton, Virginia and took the serene Lee Highway.  It is normally a 45+ minute ride but I like driving through serenity with views of a tranquil rural Virginia.  And on this bright, sunny day it felt like I was driving the only car on the road.

That was until the traffic jam caused by an accident up ahead.  First a 20 minute wait with the engine off and then a forced U-turn to start over on the Interstate.   Arghhh!

Lost – Time 

Being a woman of  iron will and firm determination I got on that hated truck-dominated freeway chewing on my cheek from nervous anxiety and made it to the appointment just in time to find the doors to my destination were locked.  Arghhh!

Found –  Destination

Lost – Nobody There

A strange looking fellow dressed in raggedy clothing came up to my car and said, “Can I help you?”  Putting on a nothing-scares-me demeanor, I said,  ” I have an appointment at this place but noone is there.”

And he said:  “No, you don’t have an appointment.  We are closed.”  Turns out the scruffy fellow was the one I had an appointment with.

It is possible I had the wrong date but not likely.

Nevertheless, after some not-so-polite words with the person I was supposed to have the appointment with, I moved on.

Lost – Time and Temper

I next wanted to find Milmont Greenhouses in Stuarts Draft, VA.  I don’t have a GPS but managed to muddle my way to this bastion of millions of blooming and budding things.

 I was on a search for Cat Mint!

Cat Mint is supposedly critter proof (deer and rabbits hate it).  It is also drought resistant, blooms almost all summer, looks a lot like Lavender, and “if you can’t grow Cat Mint you should stay out of the garden.”

O.K., so I miraculously found the place!

milmont-1

Found – Milmont Greenhouses

But then I couldn’t find the Cat Mint.

Lost – Energy (Staggering Around a Giant Nursery)

Milmont

Cat Mint is listed under Nepeta.  Who knew? 

nepeta_cats_meow_cjw14-23

Nepeta – Cat Mint

After wandering around the greenhouses among crowds of manic gardeners I managed to look on the good side and said to myself, “At least you are getting some Vitamin D3 with all this sunshine!”

Found – A Positive Outlook on Life

And finally there it was – the Nepeta.

Found – Nepeta (or YES – CAT MINT)

But my sunglasses managed to disappear.

Lost – Sunglasses

I thought I lost my cell phone too but it was in the car all along.

Tension does this sometimes – causes you to lose your mind.

Lost – Mind

I did find my cell phone though.  It was tucked in the creases of the passenger seat.

Found – Cell phone

It was a very strange Lost and Found kind of day.

 

 

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Pedometer 1

The final indignity that has opted me out of modern gadgetry was an old reliable pedometer that finally ran out of batteries .

And of course, no one could figure out how to open the battery box.

Maybe it was frozen in shock at how few steps I walked in the last five years.

I mourned that little pedometer and somehow knew a substitute would require a Masters’ Degree in Programming and hours of frustration to get up and running walking.

Forced to buy a new pedometer- three or four new ones  to be exact- they all challenged my intelligence.

It’s not that I’m not intelligent.  I used to be considered a bright child.

But that was in the good old days when life was simple.  There were no huge technological innovations calculated to make things easier.

Life was easy enough with Off and On switches you might have to get up for.

But I am ranting.

Even after hours of reading and re-reading I could not decipher the directions to all the new pedometers stacking up in a secret hiding place reserved for storing complicated gadgets.

Asking for help, as you may know, is humiliating.

But trying one last time, I ordered a supposedly SIMPLE  PEDOMETER that “is operational right out of the box!”

Really?

I could hardly contain my excitement when it came – a simple little drop-in-your-pocket pedometer with great big Easy Read Numbers and a little pull-tag.

I pulled the tag (according to the directions) and it was ready to go!  No intelligence required!

But where were the instructions to program calories burned, body mass indexes, breaths per minute, miles consumed, muscle contractions, levels of perspiration, or all that other irrelevant stuff?  Not there.  What a relief!

All I ever wanted to know was STEPS!

And, although I hardly believe it, this little gadget ONLY REGISTERS STEPS!

No need to purchase another 550 page book on Pedometers for Dummies (I wonder if there really is such a book)!  I already have Computers for Dummies, Windows 10 for Dummies, and Office for Dummies, plus a few more.

“By golly,” as they used to say in the good old days, when I was intelligent,  “Someone has figured out how to regress to simpler times.”  Kudos to the inventor of this precious little Steps Only Pedometer!

And  now maybe I can fool the world into thinking I have a Master’s Degree in Programming.

Why can’t everything else be this easy?

Why do I always have to pull out the directions for my self cleaning oven?

Shouldn’t I just be able to hit “Clean??

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Lola

Nowadays there is no excuse for a driver to get lost – not with the wonderful Global Positioning Systems around.  The little gadget with a lady inside actually talks you through the twists and turns of life, and almost everyone I know has one or has tried one.   Our youngest granddaughter named ours “Lola.”

I LOVE LOLA!

Well, at t first I loved Lola.  She was so cute when she said, “Recalculating” or even when she consistently interrupted interesting conversations with “Turn Left in 1.6 miles” and “Continue on Highway 81 for 2.4 miles and then turn right on Gleason Street.”  Isn’t modern technology wonderful?

Lola always does her annoying best to get us there.  Even so, my husband and I still manage to get lost in strange cities.  Once, in New Jersey, we could actually see our destination but began to think it was a mirage. “Look!  There’s our hotel across the street!”  After infuriating ineffectual circling and extreme frustration (since Lola kept droning, “RECALCULATING!”), we finally gave up and called the hotel concierge.  “Help! We can see your place from here, but it looks like it is to the left of us and there’s no left turn and if we go right, we wind up in traffic going the wrong way.  No, I don’t know what street we are on because there’s no street sign.  A GPS?   Ha!”

I don’t know why we have so much trouble getting somewhere when the somewhere is in plain sight.  And although I would like to, I can’t really blame Lola for the New Jersey debacle.  Like I said, “In her somewhat annoying way, she tries.”  But, at least that particular time we wound up laughing.  It should be noted that we are not always so amicable in stressed traffic situations or other times when we get lost in parking garages.

RECALCULATING LOVE FOR LOLA

There was the time we were in the Hershey Park, Pennsylvania parking lot, ready to leave.  “Where did we come in?” Bill asked.  “Uh back behind those buildings over there I think.”  And off we went, heading for the back of the lot, which turned out to be the wrong way after all.  “I thought you said BEHIND THOSE BUILDINGS!”  “Uhhhh… where are we anyway?” I wonder as we aimlessly circle the parking lot.  Finally, we hit a spot where Miss Smarty Pants Lola kicked in and said, “RECALCULATING!”  Grrrrr.

I can hear her infuriating voice now, “Turn Right at XYZ Street in 1.6 miles.”  But OMG – Bill turned LEFT onto a freeway going nowhere with no turns to get back for the next 60 miles! “RECALCULATING.”   Oh, Lola – SHUT UP!  And “Why didn’t you tell me to turn LEFT?” hollers Bill.  “BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE LISTENING TO LOLA!”   “WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO ANYWAY – LOLA?”   x*ja$#xxx”/X@#!!!  Now I am ready, really ready, to jump out the door onto the freeway.

We still take maps too, and plot our travel routes in strange cities the old way.   And I still try to balance everything on my lap and go from reading glasses to sunglasses and back trying to give supplemental directions to help Lola with her insurmountable tasks.

By the second day of our vacation I think I dislike Lola.  By the third day, I dislike her intensely and I wonder if she would stop talking if I stepped on her.

The fact is, we are getting ready for another vacation and I can guarantee we will be lost more often than not.  So guess who is coming along TO HELP?  LOLA!

WHATEVER LOLA WANTS, LOLA GETS

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