I am Afraid of Clocks.
Maybe it is because I missed the second grade class when Mrs. Weinberg taught us how to tell time.
I was an asthmatic kid who could be “absent” for days and happened to be home listening to Stella Dallas on the radio (anyone remember that soap?).
Who knew those few stolen days would be the cause of a lifelong handicap?
Anyway, when I did return to school, Mrs. M gave a private lesson which went like this, “It’s easy. Just count 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes around the clock.”
And no, I had not yet heard the lyrics to Rock Around the Clock yet. Elvis may not have even been born!
And from then on, when the big hand made it to the left side, I could not tell you what time it was.
Still can’t.
I tend to simply hold up my wristwatch to strangers who ask, “Pardon me, do you have the time?”
A Clock Allergy?
I think there is something wrong with my blood flow or energy fields. Inevitably the watch on my wrist winds up (pun intended) to be about 10 minutes fast. That’s as the big hand goes “5, 10, 15, 20.”
Rushing through life is what I call it. Think of all the time lost with just those regular ten minute skipped intervals.
And of course, Setting Clocks is a Challenge.
We just had a very brief power outage – enough to make all the timepieces in the house flash in outrage.
The kitchen stove clock is important for making dinners so I inhaled deeply and poked and pushed buttons until there was a positive response.
Hopefully I did not set off the “self clean” option instead. It’s always guess work with no guarantees.
The bedroom clock on the dresser isn’t too hard but continues it’s yearly flashing warning “low battery.” I never listen since that clock is permanently plugged into the wall and the dresser is too heavy to pull it out far enough from the plug.
The bedroom clock on the dresser has been low batteried since 1998.
There is another bedroom clock that flashes on the ceiling and tells how cold it is outside too. It is the only clock in the house that resets itself except for the battery operated one in the living room that is eternally dependable.
Maybe getting rid of all but the latter two would be the sane thing to do.
Unless you know of a second grade class teacher who would allow a senior citizen to audit the segment on telling time?
Time Changes are Annoying.
The car clock is the MOST intimidating and takes immense courage for me to go at it. Somehow it gets done (husbands help) but for now I would rather count out loud.
Let’s see….. it’s 10:15 AM on the dashboard, which means it’s really 11:15 AM now because it was 10:15 AM before the time change.
Who needs to change settings anyway?
Good thing the car clock is digital or I would have to be counting,“Five, Ten, Fifteen, Twenty” and if the big hand is in the wrong place you would never get the right time.
Herself is right there with you and she absolutely deplores Daylight Savings time. She’s a real morning person and usually gets three or four miles in before most people rise. I’m an AM person also but not with the penchant to accomplish the mileage like she does. As for the time, its a twenty four hour clock reference for me. It’s 1552 and I’m signing off.
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Always blame your childhood. Works every time.
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Oh DOR. Love this post. And for me now on my own again (can you hear the boohoo?) I simply leave the car clock. Far too complicated so I either add an hour or consider it’s correct.
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Why are you not a published author? I need to know because your writing is so entertaining :).
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This is why I encouraged my kids to never miss a class in school – you just never know the lasting damage it could cause. Maybe you could file for a clock disability and get the government to send out a battery/clock changer for you.
and a stove assistant – you’d say what heat you want the stove and the assistant sets knobs for you so you avoid the button phobia.
just a thought.
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As they say, time is relative. 😉 If we didn’t need it for dental and doctor appt. I’d be happy to do without. Do I really need to know how long I’ve lain awake with my insomnia?
Your story reminds me of my missing the day in first grade when they discussed phonics and to this day, I haven’t a clue what its about. The ‘schwa’ sound? huh?
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Aw, that’s too bad that you have such an issue telling time. But, you’re right, setting all those clocks is an enormous task!
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Hilarious, Dor! Your comedy timing is impeccable. John and I have the car clock problem solved. He always drives when the two of us are together, so it’s my job to find instructions to reset the clock.
Living with a clock-deranged person is difficult. My mother always set clocks a few minutes ahead so she wouldn’t be late. It didn’t work. I would go to visit once a year, and I begged her to let me set ONE clock to the correct time. I failed to tell you that I haven’t worn a watch since college. Mother let me have the tiny clock on the oven. I got lots of exercise running to see what time it really was.
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I hate the time change and digital clocks also. My father collected old wind-up clocks and I have three of them. So easy to set. Don’t remember Stella Dallas but do remember other soaps.
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A great fallback!
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I so admire you Judith and the ways you have found to live with that enormous grief. And I love how you manage to bring smiles to your friends, even the ones in other worlds.
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If you lived nearby Cindy, I might achieve that published author status. Have I told you lately how inspiring you are? 🙂
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I would really love to apply for clock disability but would require more than one battery operated clock and plural stove assistants to step in on-call. Thank you for your thoughts my friend and by the way, you did a good thing raising your kids to attend all classes.
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I never heard of a class in Phonics. Will have to look that up. And in first grade? Did you go to grammer school at Oxford? I wonder if they have a course in telling time.
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Yes, I do feel sorry for myself on occasion with the telling time handicap. 🙂
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Hahaha! I can just picture you running to see the time on the oven clock! And I love the term “clock-deranged.” 🙂 As they said in the old days (I think), “You are a caution.”
I believe that means hilarious too.
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Digital clocks have often saved me from public embarassment so in that way I must say I approve of modern technology. How lucky you are to have your father’s digital clocks though. 🙂
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Hardly any of my clocks are on the same time, the alarm is a bit fast so I don’t have to get up as soon as it goes off, the dining room clock is an hour slow because I was too lazy to change it to Daylight Saving this year, The oven clock is hard to set and I got fed up with resetting the microwave after a run of power outages. If I want to know what time it is I generally look at the computer which is always correct and can do Daylight Saving all by itself.
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😃❤
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This was the first year that I remembered how to change the clock in my car. 🙂 I do like having more daylight.
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😀
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Love this post Dora, The only thing I have against clocks is that I can,t stand to hear them ticking.So the digital clocks suit me fine.The cooker clock is quiet,but now we have the extractor fan on cookers and in toilets and any other place an extractor fan is needed to contend with, So this is another thing I hate i.e. the blowing noise from these extractors. I have a fan assisted oven as well another blowing noise going on. Oh boy when they are all off it’s so peaceful.!!!
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If it’s any comfort, John made a mistake with the clock this morning. He is in Tennessee, just across the time zone. He texted me at 6 a.m. wishing me a good walk. I told him I was going back to sleep, because my alarm was set for 7. He should have added an hour to the clock he was looking at.
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Hurrah! I am not alone. And checking the time on the computer is a great idea. Thanks. 🙂
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Back atcha….. 🙂
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Bill changed my clock in the car this morning by pressing one button! ?*%#$)!@%
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What is an extractor fan??? I think I would hate the blowing noises too. Sometimes silence is really golden.
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Oh what a strange world we live in…..
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You always crack me up, my friend! I bet you were a happy camper when digital clocks came along, huh? I never can remember how to change the time on my car clock either. My digital bedside clock adjusts itself when we flip back and forth on Daylight Savings Time, but honestly, isn’t that a little scary that it knows how to do that? Of course, it also runs 10 minutes fast, no matter how many times I’ve tried to manually adjust the time. Plus its blue light illuminating the time keeps me from falling asleep, so I had to turn it backwards. I think I’m developing a clock phobia to it. Thanks for naming this issue and alerting me to the problem! 😉
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We are long past the relevance of having a time change!
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I prefer the 24 hour clock and hate daylight savings time. Great minds….
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Thank you my other sister of choice
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Hahahaha! You crack me up too. I have the same problem with the blue lighted bedside clock…. have to turn it upside down so I can sleep.
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Yes! Rise with the sun and sleep when it gets dark…. sounds about right to me.
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🙂 Brilliant minds for sure.
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I love that one – “sister of choice.” Wonderful and the feeling is mutual.
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