Eviction Notice

PETER GETS EVICTED AND TAKEN FOR A RIDE

How he got into our attic I have no idea except his climb to those dizzying heights began in the garage, where we would find evidence of illegal entry.

Each night he would scuffle and shuffle, keeping us awake and then making us worry.   “What if he trips on all that wiring?” I whispered to my calm, collected spouse (why was I whispering?).  “What if he electrocutes himself?  What damage must he be causing? What if he brings his family too?  He’s a squatter!  He is living in the upper reaches of our home – without permission.  How inconsiderate can you get? And now he’s partying all night and won’t let us sleep.  We HAVE to get him out of there!”

HAVE A HEART!

A Virginia Possum

I was at a loss about how to evict the squatter, Peter Possum, from our attic!

As usual, I had to admit city-dude ignorance with no idea how to deal with attic critters. My husband had no ideas either and beating on the ceiling with a broom handle had absolutely no effect. Wasn’t there a song once that began “Knock 3 Times on the Ceiling if You Love Me?”

Drat! I must swallow disappearing pride once again and consult with local experts.

Helpful as always, our country friends recommended a HAVE-A-HEART TRAP and said we could borrow theirs.   They use it to catch flying squirrels.  Flying Squirrels?  I never heard of them either.

Just the word, trap, makes me cringe.  I get visions of some sweet little wild thing caught in the jaws of pain.   I never heard of a “have-a-heart” option but was assured it is the most humane way to catch a bothersome critter.  It’s a very large wire-made contraption with a front door rigged to slam shut when the creature gets all the way in (no torturous clamps involved).

 IRRESISTIBLE BAIT

As directed, a small can of cat food  (remember to open it) was set deep within the trap.  They say  Peanut butter is effective too.   Hoping the bait would really work, we left the entire enchanting gizmo in the garage – and about an hour later I went out to check.  Woohoo!  (Modern slang for Hurrah!)  There was Peter!  He was actually  a cute little guy lying very still, eyes closed, “playing possum.”

TAKING PETER FOR A RIDE

We carried our incarcerated catch to the car and drove to a wilderness area not far from home.  I felt so sorry for Peter.  He had surely never ridden in a car and must be terrified.  I talked softly all the way.  You do have to be slightly weird to live out here, but only Peter and I (and my incredulous husband) were aware of the conversation (until now that is).

We dropped Peter Possum off at the edge of a forest area and opened the trap door.  It took him a minute to realize he was actually free, but off he finally went and we haven’t seen him since.

At least I don’t  think we have seen him since.

TALES FROM THE HOLLOW (PRONOUNCED “HOLLER”)

There are plenty of possums around here who might be Old Pete.  I like to think he found his way back to his wife and kids.  And maybe he tells the family and friends stories about his adventure in that big place over there,  and warns them to stay clear unless they want to get evicted and taken for a ride.

Country Tip for City Dudes: 

Check to see if any of your neighbors own a Have-A-Heart trap.  If not, consider buying one to expedite evictions of flying squirrels and possum families.